Four Steps to Guilt-Free Communication – Part 2: Preparation

Are you facing an upcoming difficult conversation, or are you trying to decide if you should have this conversation? Consider the following four steps as preparation before initiating any critical discussion:

1. CONFIRM

• Take time to confirm you have the relevant information about the situation.

• Make sure you are not acting on hearsay or gossip.

• Ask questions and make sure you have factual information. Seek advice if needed.

• Do not jump to any conclusions.

• Never have a potentially controversial conversation unless you are confident you have the truth.

• Remember, things are not always as they appear.

• Make sure you have done your due diligence, as this will decrease the likelihood of entering into a conversation that should never have taken place.

• Be wise. Remember, you are an ambassador of God in all you do and say.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)

2. CONSOLIDATE

• Take time to bring together, in prayer- the person, the situation, the goal of the communication, and your underlying reason for the conversation.

• Consider the person's actions but consider that there may be something about the person's situation that you may not know.

• Tread carefully.

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (Romans 12:3)

3. CARE

• Take time to care and treat the person as you would like to be treated.

• Although you may decide the conversation needs to take place, you do have a choice to deliver the information in a caring manner. This, you can control.

• Allow yourself to be compassionate.

• It is not just about what you have to say; it is also about how you say it and treat the person.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

4. COMMUNICATE

• Communicate first with God, then with the person.

• Pray and trust God has given you wisdom and a discerning heart.

• Once you know you have the right motivation (care for God's opinion, care for the person, and care for the business/issue), the correct information, the correct understanding, and the right intent, only then is it the time to communicate your concern.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

The next time you need to have a difficult conversation, consider preparing yourself by going through these four steps. You are then more likely to say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time, in the right way.

May God bless you as you deal with difficult conversations with a pure heart. Have a wonderful week.

Bonny, Christian Women at Work

Four Steps to Guilt-Free Communication – Part 1

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)

Do you dread difficult conversations or avoid conversations that may cause someone to be upset?

There are many circumstances in life where we have to provide feedback, and we often struggle over how the person is going to respond. This situation could be in the workplace, in a volunteer capacity, or with family members or friends. If you have not yet developed a strategy to deal with these conversations, you may have found yourself in one of these three situations more often than you would have liked:

You may have:

• Avoided the conversation

• Delayed the conversation, or

• Rushed the conversation

These three circumstances cause undue stress and anxiety. Avoiding the conversation does not mean that the problem goes away. Delaying the conversation means the issue is on your mind and a source of stress longer than it should. There is also a significant likelihood of the problem worsening since it is not being addressed. Thirdly, rushing into a conversation may mean you are not prepared nor in control of your emotions.

As a business owner, it is my responsibility to ensure my business runs well, which means systems are in place, and people know what to do. It would be wonderful if everything went smoothly, but we all know that is not the case! If someone is not performing the way they should be, has said something to a customer they should not have, or is not aligned with our policies and procedures, I need to address it. Caring about each of my employees does not excuse me from having conversations with them which they may find difficult to hear. Being in authority does not excuse me from being kind and respectful while I am firm and clear. It needs to be a balance of care, honesty, and truth in a clear conversation.

The solution? Having a strategy that works for you, based on sound business and biblical principles; an approach that starts with the uncomfortable feeling something needs to be addressed and ends with a conversation prepared for and delivered in a caring, straightforward way.

Whether you are providing a performance appraisal, telling a friend that they have offended you, or are parenting a child, there are always two things that we need to communicate, and we often struggle with doing them both well.

1. One is the concern we have for the person. We worry about how they will take the discussion, will they be offended, will they understand what is being said, and will they understand that we care about them.

2. The other is the objective information which we need to give to them. It may be something they have done incorrectly; it may be that they are working below standards, or it may be a request from them to which you need to respond with kindness.

Have you been struggling with whether or not you should discuss something with someone? Or are you struggling with how you should tell someone something? If so, follow us over the next few weeks as we unravel a four step process that starts with deciding if you should be saying something and then how you should say it.

God bless you this week as you do all you need to do!

Bonny, Christian Women at Work

“When Your Battery is Running Low”

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

As I was working late one night this week, my computer suddenly “dinged,” and I saw the message on the screen that said, “Your battery is running low.” Staring at the screen, I suddenly realized that this message was not just about plugging in my computer. It made me think, “Am I doing the same thing”? Am I allowing myself to “run on low” to the extent it takes an outside message from a computer to let me know? Am I “kind of aware” I am overdoing it but not taking the time to stop? This computer message was undoubtedly a “wake-up call.”

Everyone is busy. However, it is the “busyness on top of busyness” which can drain us. Or as my computer message indicated, “drain our battery.” It is about getting through our regular work, taking on new things, even if we enjoy them, which can make us weary.

• It can be the work we need to do but the weight of the stress of disagreements, conflicts, and difficult decisions combined that may burden us.

• It might be only completing 80% of all the things we want and need to do, so the pressure of “many things to finish” is always on the back of our minds.

• It could be our concern for others.

We need to realize when “our battery is running low” that we need to stop, evaluate, and recharge no matter the reason.

Consider the following three steps to help keep yourself from being drained physically, mentally, or emotionally.

1. Recognize when you are at risk of “running low.” If you are always staying up late, regularly getting less than the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep, rarely exercising, not eating correctly, and finding yourself anxious, irritable, or short-tempered, you are likely at a severe point of being drained. Take time to stop and re-evaluate what you are doing and what you can change. You may need to stop something (even if just for a while), delegate something, or make sure you are consciously taking time to rest or relax.

2. Learn from Jesus: Jesus told us to go to Him when we are weary and burdened. He then said to take His yoke upon us and “learn from me.” To learn from Him, we need to have time in the Word and prayer. You will be drained if you do not take time to be with Him, learn from Him, and apply it to your life. Have you stopped your quiet time, Bible reading, or prayer? Start today to put it back in your schedule, even if you start with a few minutes.

3. Find moments of rest: Busy times are part of life. Extra busy times are our warning times to make sure we fit in some rest. It could be going for a 10-minute walk, having a massage, taking deep breaths while looking at God’s creation, or whatever brings you some physical and mental rest. This will be very individual to you. Determine what is best for you to relax during intensively busy times.

Don’t ignore the warnings. Jesus gives us a clear answer on what to do when our battery is running low, and we are exhausted. He tells us to “come to Him.” It is not something that we need to do, fix or plan for. We need to go to Him. To enter His presence, be with Him, learn from Him.

Please do not do what I did that night last week. I ignored the warning and kept on working. The battery died, and the computer shut off. That was another wake-up call for me that none of us can continue to run on empty. We need to recognize our warning(s), stop, recharge in His presence, and prayerfully evaluate why we keep trying to do too much. Don’t ignore the warnings.

May God richly bless you as you learn from Him. Have a great week.

Bonny, Christian Women at Work