Four Steps to Guilt-Free Communication – Part 3: Believing the Best in the Person

Are you heading into a difficult conversation this week at work, possibly a conversation where have concerns about regarding how the person may react or feel?

If this is the case, check your

mental mindset about it. Reflect on how you will enter into the conversation: will it be with a positive attitude about the person, believing the best in them?

What do we mean by that?

Before you speak to the person, believe the best in the person.

Please enter into the conversation with the approach that they want to do their best. Always trust they wish to improve unless you are proven otherwise! This approach brings out the positive aspect of what could be perceived as a negative interaction. Although it may be hard for someone to hear they need to manage their time better, it is to help them in their career. Although it may be hard to listen to the fact their statistics need to improve, doing so will help them keep their job.

Having to discuss with someone where they need to improve is something you may need to do, but you can do so by believing the best of them. It is because you want to allow them to grow and improve, assuming they want the same thing, which is why you are having the conversation. Don't let your concern regarding how they will react takeover your opportunity to make a positive investment in their future. Focus on believing the best in them; that they want to do their best.

When we focus on our attitude and are prepared to enter into a conversation with a positive

attitude towards the person, it can make the difference from being emotional and stressed to

being professional, kind, and supportive.

Preparing for a potentially difficult conversation at work? Take 1 Corinthians 13:7 with you to work:

"(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Taking this verse with you to work will remind you to:

Bear all things: don't go in with the mindset of criticizing them for what they are doing wrong but rather enter with the philosophy of helping them to improve.

Believe all things: go with the mindset of believing the best in them and that they also want to do their best.

Hope all things: enter with the optimistic mindset that they will follow through with your recommendations.

Endure all things: go with the practical mindset you may also need to further help them on their journey of improvement.

By choosing this mindset, you are taking God's love to work, which is what He wants us to do - to bring His love to others through our words and actions.

God bless you as you prepare for any difficult conversations, and may it be a wonderful week!

Bonny, Christian Women at Work

Four Steps to Guilt-Free Communication – Part 2: Preparation

Are you facing an upcoming difficult conversation, or are you trying to decide if you should have this conversation? Consider the following four steps as preparation before initiating any critical discussion:

1. CONFIRM

• Take time to confirm you have the relevant information about the situation.

• Make sure you are not acting on hearsay or gossip.

• Ask questions and make sure you have factual information. Seek advice if needed.

• Do not jump to any conclusions.

• Never have a potentially controversial conversation unless you are confident you have the truth.

• Remember, things are not always as they appear.

• Make sure you have done your due diligence, as this will decrease the likelihood of entering into a conversation that should never have taken place.

• Be wise. Remember, you are an ambassador of God in all you do and say.

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)

2. CONSOLIDATE

• Take time to bring together, in prayer- the person, the situation, the goal of the communication, and your underlying reason for the conversation.

• Consider the person's actions but consider that there may be something about the person's situation that you may not know.

• Tread carefully.

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. (Romans 12:3)

3. CARE

• Take time to care and treat the person as you would like to be treated.

• Although you may decide the conversation needs to take place, you do have a choice to deliver the information in a caring manner. This, you can control.

• Allow yourself to be compassionate.

• It is not just about what you have to say; it is also about how you say it and treat the person.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

4. COMMUNICATE

• Communicate first with God, then with the person.

• Pray and trust God has given you wisdom and a discerning heart.

• Once you know you have the right motivation (care for God's opinion, care for the person, and care for the business/issue), the correct information, the correct understanding, and the right intent, only then is it the time to communicate your concern.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26)

The next time you need to have a difficult conversation, consider preparing yourself by going through these four steps. You are then more likely to say the right thing, to the right person, at the right time, in the right way.

May God bless you as you deal with difficult conversations with a pure heart. Have a wonderful week.

Bonny, Christian Women at Work

Four Steps to Guilt-Free Communication – Part 1

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26)

Do you dread difficult conversations or avoid conversations that may cause someone to be upset?

There are many circumstances in life where we have to provide feedback, and we often struggle over how the person is going to respond. This situation could be in the workplace, in a volunteer capacity, or with family members or friends. If you have not yet developed a strategy to deal with these conversations, you may have found yourself in one of these three situations more often than you would have liked:

You may have:

• Avoided the conversation

• Delayed the conversation, or

• Rushed the conversation

These three circumstances cause undue stress and anxiety. Avoiding the conversation does not mean that the problem goes away. Delaying the conversation means the issue is on your mind and a source of stress longer than it should. There is also a significant likelihood of the problem worsening since it is not being addressed. Thirdly, rushing into a conversation may mean you are not prepared nor in control of your emotions.

As a business owner, it is my responsibility to ensure my business runs well, which means systems are in place, and people know what to do. It would be wonderful if everything went smoothly, but we all know that is not the case! If someone is not performing the way they should be, has said something to a customer they should not have, or is not aligned with our policies and procedures, I need to address it. Caring about each of my employees does not excuse me from having conversations with them which they may find difficult to hear. Being in authority does not excuse me from being kind and respectful while I am firm and clear. It needs to be a balance of care, honesty, and truth in a clear conversation.

The solution? Having a strategy that works for you, based on sound business and biblical principles; an approach that starts with the uncomfortable feeling something needs to be addressed and ends with a conversation prepared for and delivered in a caring, straightforward way.

Whether you are providing a performance appraisal, telling a friend that they have offended you, or are parenting a child, there are always two things that we need to communicate, and we often struggle with doing them both well.

1. One is the concern we have for the person. We worry about how they will take the discussion, will they be offended, will they understand what is being said, and will they understand that we care about them.

2. The other is the objective information which we need to give to them. It may be something they have done incorrectly; it may be that they are working below standards, or it may be a request from them to which you need to respond with kindness.

Have you been struggling with whether or not you should discuss something with someone? Or are you struggling with how you should tell someone something? If so, follow us over the next few weeks as we unravel a four step process that starts with deciding if you should be saying something and then how you should say it.

God bless you this week as you do all you need to do!

Bonny, Christian Women at Work